Matters of the Heart

This semester, I have started several blog posts but left them unfinished. I continually abandoned my ideas over the past few months because each time I write, the content continues to stray further from the formal and academic discoveries made in the classroom to more personal matters. As educators, our lives outside of the brick walls in which we teach are often entwined with our occupation. Our academic lives come home with us and so too do our personal lives when we enter our classrooms. Teaching is, after all, a matter of the heart, and thus, we cannot help but give our hearts fully to our students and our professional-related pursuits.

This school year, I struggled to maintain a smile on my face, to keep pace with my former self, and to explore new instructional methods, concepts, and technology tools that normally consume my free periods. For the first two months of school, I was in the final weeks of pregnancy with my third child and in a significant amount of discomfort caused by his position on a vein that sent shooting pain down my right side. Often hiding in a faculty bathroom to cry during free periods, I fought to keep a smile on my face and deliver the best content to my students - all while coaching a lively team of passionate and energetic group of high school public speakers. It is not in my nature to show shortcomings or to project any sort of negativity, and so I tried to conceal my struggles. As with anything, the notion that a momentary discomfort is temporary kept me motivated and focused on teaching and giving my best to each student I encountered through the end of my pregnancy.

And I did. Teach until the end - about three hours before I gave birth. My son, Jordan, was approximately 2.5 weeks early, and while I knew I was having contractions, I was in denial that he would dare come before the end of the school day! 😊 With only one academic class left to teach, I succumbed to his eagerness to make his appearance in the world and left school, attempting to be as subtle about leaving as possible. With that, my third child was born at 3:33 PM, poetically marking his place in the world and our family.

Since his birth, life has changed. With the birth of each of my children, my disposition has calmed. Spending quality time with each of my children, making memories, and bonding has caused me to pause, embrace stillness, and breathe. With my son, the final chapter in our family of five who was born with a genetic disorder, cystic fibrosis, I strive to treasure these moments even more dearly. Amidst a house with three children age three and under, two dogs, and what some might refer to as pure chaos comes a desire to find work-life balance, to find greater meaning in each experience, and to make relationships with family, friends, colleagues, and most significantly, my students stronger. My world grew brighter with the addition of my son, and as a result, I am sure that it will be an amazing year in which I strive to maintain perspective, gain understanding, embrace positivity, and above all else, remember to just breathe.