I have reached my capacity. I can't add one more thing. I am exhausted.
These common phrases fill the offices of teachers near and far. Finding ways in which to combat these sentiments are almost as daunting as the to-do lists teachers create for themselves each day. I must admit that the phrases mentioned above have been felt by me this school year. As a person seeking work-life harmony, I know that I need to take action to create a healthier and happier relationship with rest and relaxation. While harmony of any kind needs to be frequently fine-tuned, there are ways to set healthy boundaries, and it is my goal to create and maintain them. Unfortunately, I am not succeeding, but admitting that there is a need to reevaluate is a good first step, right?
Social-emotional learning is a trending topic in the education world, and we cannot forget to apply those principles that are being thoughtfully crafted for our students to ourselves. I find that many educators who experience burnout are carrying the emotional load of their students, colleagues, and school. Being in the business of people makes it difficult to separate school from everyday life. A colleague suggested I read Angela Watson's book Fewer Things, Better: The Courage to Focus on What Matters Most, which has challenged me to reflect on what it means to be busy versus productive, overloaded versus efficient. Through conversations with friends and participating in the ongoing discussion on what SEL looks like in schools, I have come to realize that I need to care less to love more.
Yes, I have determined that I need to care a little less about the daily tasks and perfecting every detail to be able to engross myself more authentically in what matters. While this notion is counterintuitive, learning to let go will provide me with more space to refill my emotional bucket so that I can show more love, empathy, and understanding to the needs of Generation Z, a group of students who are experiencing levels of trauma and anxiety more than ever before.
As a parent of growing children who are almost school-aged now, I have begun to compare my parenting practices to my teaching style. As a parent, I am learning to challenge my children to accomplish tasks and chores on their own. In doing so, those clothes may not be folded as nicely, or the bins used to organize their toys end up a little more disorganized than I'd like. If I am okay with insignificant and menial chaos in my own home, I need to accept more disarray in my classroom and school-life.
I have been guilty of pushing myself to the limit to ensure that everyone succeeds at school, and in doing so, I have robbed students and adults alike of dissonance and discomfort that can lead to immense growth. Failure is okay; incomplete work can sometimes lead to an enriching life. A little chaos can lead to beautiful results. While there are times to take charge of a situation, I have to learn to accept that there are times when I need to allow someone else to own a problem. Students like my children, need to learn to self-manage and problem solve.
So how do we begin to circumvent feelings of fatigue and burnout?
1. Start by establishing clear rules and goals.
I have goals in mind to establish better work-life harmony, but I have not executed them yet. Formulating thoughts on paper and speaking them aloud to individuals who will and are holding me accountable is the first step toward implementation. Part of my problem and the problem of other educators is that we don't know how to turn off. There's not a magical off switch that powers down our desire to stop caring for and worrying about our students. Papers come home to be graded; lesson planning happens at all hours of the night but at some point. Boundaries have to be set. Even if it's scheduled, rest and relaxation have to happen. This area continues to be a work in progress for me, but progress is being made!
2. Keep validating others' feelings but don't own them.
Empathy is a powerful and critical skill, but taking on someone else's problem is not healthy for you or for the other person. When we assume the feelings of others, we hinder ourselves from helping others with their problems. We drain our batteries quicker, and that type of fatigue can carry into areas of our lives. Instead of feeling with - we should feel for and show support. Students upset mostly wants to be heard and validated. That act of validation can change a mood and uplift a person, instead of creating a cycle in which the feelings ruminate, and the situation is not solved. Listening and acknowledging someone's feelings alleviates
3. Turn off constant notifications.
A decade ago (or maybe two at this point), work was left at work, and home life was more preserved. That's not to say that teachers didn't grade and lesson plan at home, but the emails were not coming in at all hours of the day. Today, notifications, submissions, and emails are always coming, and I often become anxious about responding to the dings on my phone. I know many teachers have set great boundaries for themselves about the time in which they will reply and even read emails. My goal now is to stop looking at email at 8 PM. Once I have reached that point (having been up since 4 AM), I am no longer as effective, detailed, or responsive. While I am not ready to cut all ties to my email, I realize that I need to start setting better limits and value my time so that I can be more productive, effective, and engaged when it is time to respond.
4. Schedule time for joy.
Having children has taught me to be more present and in the moment. My time with my littles is fleeting and had been a dream of mine for a long time. It took almost five years to have our first child, and I didn't wait that long to miss the experience. Doing small things like going to the library as a family, apple picking, visiting relatives - these little trips fill our hearts in big ways. Always schedule time for joy and honor that time to the fullest.
5. Talk about anything but school.
When with teacher friends, my first instinct is to talk shop on weekends and when socializing, but being at school all day, grading all night, and then gabbing about it all weekend does not create space to reset. While my pride and joy is my work, if I want to have a life outside of that, I can't talk about it all the time. Reducing the conversations about school or just embracing another interest for a few minutes allows for a little space from such a meaningful vocation.
As a parent and teacher, I have learned that to be loving, effective, and engaging. I need to bear a little less of the load. My goal is to love, support, and walk alongside my kids - both small and big. Scrolling through some readings on my phone, I came across this poem by 19th-century poet and philosopher, Kahlil Gibran who states,
“Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of life's longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.
You may give them your love but not your thoughts,
For they have their thoughts.”
As a teacher, I have learned that I have to give them space to succeed and fail, achieve, and prevail. I am called to help them discover their thoughts and ideas, and in that process, I am there to guide them to - not drop them off at - their next destinations. We are far better supporters than carriers. It's time to lighten the load so that we can love more authentically, embrace life more joyfully, and teach more effectively. Less in this case really is so much more.
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